a case of the blahs

I have a case of the blahs right now.

Lindsey and elizabeth, my roommates for the past year, and my recent third little roommate, their son kaze, have just left for colorado to visit lindsey's family. This morning was the last time i will have seen elizabeth and kaze since they will be going straight from colorado to their new home in seattle. I will see lindsey again, since he is coming back at the end of the month to take the rest of their stuff to seattle, but i am sad that they are leaving.

When i moved in with lindsey and elizabeth last august i thought it was going to be interesting living with a married couple.  I kind of liked how new york and bohemian it seemed moving in with a married couple that i didn't know in a walk up above a chinese restaurant. I was also kind of wary though.  I mean it is an interesting living situation. What if it turned out awkward and terrible? There is already risk when moving in with people you don't know, but if they are married to each other, couldn't that pose even more risks?

Then quickly after that i learned that they just got pregnant. This would be one of those extra risks. I mean, everybody knows that living with a pregnant woman is supposed to be hard right? They have all those crazy hormones. And then when the baby comes it would be even worse. I didn't want to move though. Finding this apartment had been a really hard and arduous task and i was already really starting to like lindsey and elizabeth. Plus i just absolutely Hate moving.

People kept asking what i was going to do when i told them elizabeth was pregnant in a way that clearly showed they thought i should get out of there or i was a crazy person.  The question wasn't whether or not i was moving. It was more of a when and where to kind of question.  I am really glad i didn't though. I have really enjoyed the past year with them. Lindsey and i, from almost right at the beginning, started getting into long and rewarding conversations about life, religion, and philosophy. It was the type of thing that i crave and need after growing up in st. andrews. Elizabeth is also one of the easiest people to talk to. I got to know her really well as she told me all about her life. She has had some cool experiences as well as a large and interesting family. They starting calling the living room while i was in it 'the bret void' because they would sit down and we would start talking and the next thing we know hours had gone by.

For the past two months having kaze here was actually kind of nice too. He is the cutest little baby. I have heard that all babies do is cry, eat, sleep, and poop but i realized my experience with babies had always been older babies.  Older babies can also laugh, coo, and play in their own way. Kaze can't do any of those things. I am really disappointed that i'm not going to be able to see him grow up and develop into his personality. I want to know what he is going to be like as he starts being more active.

I have two new roommates that are moving in in july and i am really excited. They both seem really cool and i think we are going to become good friends. I am excited that i am going to be able to make this apartment more my own. We are going to furnish it, buy new dishes and flatware, and talked today about maybe painting.

Right at this moment though, i don't feel excited about any of that. I am in the apartment all by myself.  All of lindsey and elizabeth's stuff is packed, but still all over the place. The apartment is less homy and less functional. I am eating off of paper plates. And it is still not yet my apartment. I am anxious about my job search and am longing for the security of a paycheck and the stability of a work schedule.

I am really tired from not getting much sleep last night, so i am hoping a nap will fix it, but right now i just have a severe case of the blahs.